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Anger

How do I know if I have a problem with anger?

If your friends or loved ones complain that you are frequently angry or that your anger upsets them, you have a problem with anger. If you rarely show anger, and you feel that other people frequently take advantage of you, you have a different kind of anger problem. There are two types of anger problems-anger out problems and anger in problems. Anger expressers get angry easily and express it openly. Anger avoiders have difficulty expressing anger and sometimes don't even recognize when they are angry. Sometimes anger avoiders stuff their angry feelings until they blow up. This is called a "stuff-and-blow" anger pattern.

Isn't it healthy to let anger out?

Anger begets anger. Although it may feel good initially to openly express anger and to blow off steam, in the long run expressing anger frequently and inappropriately hurts relationships and doesn't make the angry person any less angry. However, people who have difficulty owning or expressing their own anger usually benefit by expressing anger, at least until they learn to recognize and accept their anger.

How can you help me with an anger out problem?

The first step is to identify how anger is a problem for you. If you are someone who frequently gets angry or openly expresses anger, we need to determine who or what situations are most likely to make you angry. You will learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger, and how to use anger as a signal, rather than a solution. If you have "should" and "shouldn't" beliefs that fuel your anger, we identify and change these so that you won't create unnecessary anger for yourself. You will learn how to observe yourself and choose how to respond to a problem more effectively. The aim is not to get rid of anger all together, but to get it in perspective and put you, not your anger, in the driver's seat of your life.

What if I am uncomfortable with anger?

If you are uncomfortable with anger, you need to learn how to be more assertive to get your needs met. If you are involved in a relationship with an openly or frequently angry person, you need to learn how to cope with the other person's anger. Our first task is to find out what makes you uncomfortable with anger and then to learn how to deal more effectively with the anger in your life-yours or someone else's anger.

Dr. Joyce Nash, PhD    (650) 329-1000